Healing Our Younger Selves
We all experience trauma during our lives and it is important that we don’t compare our trauma with someone else’s experience.
It is not a competition.
Anything that causes you fear, pain, discomfort, a sense of loss, feeling unsupported, powerless or humiliated can trigger a traumatic event. Sometimes we can work through it and move on.
However, as children, if our childhood trauma is not acknowledged by adults who care for us and we are not given the correct counselling, we bury it deep within us.
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- Written by: Pat Pughe-Parry
- Category: Mental Health
Should Parents live with their Adult Children?
Should we live with our children, move to a retirement facility or remain independent as we age? There are pros and cons to each option. I have tried all of these options.
My Mom lived with me, my (ex) husband and 2 little sons.
Dave and I (our second marriage for both of us) moved into my older son's home for a year with our teenage grandson.
We are now in a Senior Citizens Home.
My younger son and his wife have 2 small children who we love to visit each week.
These are my experiences.
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- Written by: Pat Pughe-Parry
- Category: The Elderly
One Year to Seventy
Dave and I have lived in a home for Senior Citizens for the past 5 years where there are approximately 90 residents between the ages of 55 and 93.
I have just turned 69 and I am finding it difficult to comprehend why it is freaking me out. I don’t feel old. Okay, I could be healthier, fitter and thinner. I like the wrong foods and being summer, it is too hot to exercise. Yes, I have a busy brain and a lazy body.
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- Written by: Pat Pughe-Parry
- Category: The Elderly
Practical ways to help the Elderly - Introduction
When you don’t have family or good friends, chronic pain is your constant companion and financial worries are top of mind each day, getting old really sucks.
I have set myself a goal of writing a post daily (almost ... life happens) for a month, on ways to help the elderly live safely and enjoy more fulfilling and healthy live. Each post will have a theme suggesting ways you can help the elderly in your family and your community.
Background
Dave and I have been living in a Senior Citizens Home for almost 6 years. A couple of years ago I started a Whatsapp Group for the residents that I named Bewildered No More and the residents are welcome to join if they wish to do so. Data is expensive and some residents don't have smart phones so we encourage members to share important information with their neighbours.
I had originally called it The Home for the Bewildered - when you get old, life can be very bewildering. As our hearing and memories fail, fact morphs into a dozen fictional stories as each resident passes on information. Some of the versions are hilarious but others are dangerous and mean.
The purpose of the group is to improve communication and develop a spirit of sharing and caring.
Everyday, Dave does a weather report and provides a little intellectual stimulation with his "Word A Day" snippet. Another resident reports the rainfall. I keep residents up to date on water outages, electricity problems and sms notifications from our office regarding activities and reminders about rules residents are breaking. We have 52 rules and most of us can’t/don’t/won't remember 5. We encourage residents to post photos of their grandies, boast about their family achievements or a motivational quote or funny video. We steer clear of religion, politics and other contentious issues that involve management of maintenance of the property..
Our village has 84 units and residents are between 55 and 95 years old. It is not a fancy retirement estate. It is a privately owned village that provides partially subsidised rental accommodation to seniors. We are required to be able to care for ourselves. No meals, frail care or nursing is available and we don’t have management living on site. Residents do their best to help each other.
Your family are responsible for ensuring your needs are met. When you can no longer cope, you are supposed to move to a care facility. Unfortunately frail care is unaffordable for most residents. Dave and I are fortunate that my sons and their families are within 10 minutes of the village. However, a number of residents no longer have any family or their families live far away.
Last year, we had 9 deaths in the village - 10% of our population and a few more left to go to frail care. Although difficult to cope with, it is part of the cycle of life but it is not pleasant seeing the mortuary van arrive to fetch someone you have known for some time. The previous year we had 2 men in their early sixties committed suicide by shooting themselves. It was extremely traumatic for all of us. It strengthened my resolve to do my bit to help our community to be more observant and caring towards our neighbours.
I am framing my posts as a White South African. South Africa has a rich multicultural population and I look forward to you sharing your experiences and suggestions in the comments.
The first post will be on Monday 27 January 2024.
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- Written by: Pat Pughe-Parry
- Category: Practical ways to help the Elderly