Welcome to my series on practical ways to help the elderly. You can read the introduction here.
I have chosen Compassion as the theme to kick off the series of daily posts. The Right Rev Mariann Edgar Budde made a direct plea at the national prayer service at Washington National Cathedral on 21 January 2025 to President Trump to show compassion and mercy towards migrants and marginalised people.
The Oxford English dictionary defines Compassion as "The feeling or emotion, when a person is moved by the suffering or distress of another, and by the desire to relieve it."
I had asked our residents on our Whatsapp group for suggestions on practical ways to support and enrich the lives of the elderly, regardless of whether they live alone, with their children or in a senior citizens home. One of our residents posted the above article which I believe if very relevant to the elderly.
5 Ways we can show compassion to the elderly
Do not judge
No-one reaches the age of 60 without having endured loss and pain. The current elderly were born during World War II and up to the mid 1960s. Those who actively participated in the war faced unbelievable horrors and didn’t receive trauma counselling. Unresolved trauma impacts society as a whole. Violence, mental, physical and sexual abuse combined with alcohol and narcotics was more common than spoken about. Instead of seeking treatment, it was more important to show a stoic face and sweep the abuse under the carpet.
We may have lost a child due to illness, accident or suicide and having to deal with outliving your children is heartbreaking.
Do not judge if someone is battling a chronic illness because they smoked, drank, or ate badly in the past or continue to do so now. We all have a crutch we need to hold onto. None of us is perfect and we have had many years to make mistakes. We can't change the past and we may not have the energy or resources to change.
Accept the elderly for who they are. Grit your teeth if need be or scream into a pillow when your visit is over. We are not stupid. We know where we have failed but it is hard to admit it, so we try to brazen it out.
Listen
If you can, encourage the elderly in your life to talk. Don’t pry and don’t rush them. They will probably tell you the same story over and over again and drive you to distraction. Their short term memories are deteriorating but they are able to cling to memories from long ago. Our lives are often reduced to living in one room and seldom leaving home.
Acknowledge the elderly
Feeling invisible is soul destroying. As you age, you become just another wrinkled, grey-haired bumbling old soul. You might have a been a high flier during your working life but as soon as you retire, your sense of self worth disappears. Your job defined you for so many years.
Your opinions are no longer sought and frequently you are completely ignored. Encourage the elderly and help them to participate in hobbies, sports clubs, book clubs etc to keep active and their minds alert.
Being in the company of younger adults stirs up memories of the old person's younger days.
Be patient
The world is a different place. Having to learn how to use a cell phone, the tv remote and all the other gadgets that younger people take for granted is frustrating and terrifying especially with them being at risk with all the online scammers.
Showing affection
Not everyone likes to be hugged. Ask if they would like a hug and if they say no, try a gentle pat on the shoulder or hold their hand. Invite them to hold on to your arm when you go for a walk. Many elderly have not been touched in an affectionate way in years.
Maya Angelou quote link - https://parade.com/2358/lindsaylowe/maya-angelous-most-inspiring-quotes/
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