Dave was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) in his mid 40s and I was diagnosed at the age of 51. We have been married for almost 18 years, 2nd time around for both of us.
For the past 5 years Dave and I have lived in a Senior Citizens Home which I mischievously nicknamed The Home for the Bewildered. Our residents are aged between 50 and 93 and are at different stages in their ageing journeys.
Having ADHD and having worked with ADHD families and individuals for years, we understand and recognise the parallels in the bewilderment and other ADHD traits that the Elderly exhibit.
Because Dave and I are both tech savvy, our major contribution is fixing computers and cellphones. Cellphones are essential for all of us but as you get older, more blind, and your hands shake, it is easy to push the wrong buttons. We have several visits a day from residents clutching their phones looking very bewildered and frustrated.
We have a sign we sometimes put on our security gate which says, “We love to chat, but not right now please” when we are really busy. It is right next to the doorbell but is quite often ignored.
Short term memory loss.
We know that they will likely be back again tomorrow with the same problem. Like ADDers, the elderly have great long term memory and they will be sure to tell us the same story they told us yesterday and the day before and …
ADDers and the Elderly struggle
- Our strange ways confuse our families, friends but also ourselves.
- Our competence in some things is offset by our complete incompetence in others. The elderly often feel they have earned the right to be demanding and speak their minds. ADDers frequently lack social skills, are impulsive and get in your face because they lack the skills to read body language.
- One of the most humiliating problems for ADDers is Personal Hygiene. Due to our problems with tactile issues, brushing our teeth, washing our hair and showering regularly are challenging. We are often so distracted that we forget to look in the mirror, check that our shirts are not inside out and that our socks match.
Luckily I have Dave who checks me before I am allowed to leave the house. Some but not all elderly exhibit the same problems. - The Elderly are often tired, simply can't be bothered and having to try and reach your toenails with your glasses falling off your nose, is just too much effort.
My responsibility is to play Sergeant Major (I was a dragon of a Mom) at the front door, asking Dave if he has - "Wallet, Watch, Phone, Hearing Aids, Walking Stick". Dave, whose ADHD short term memory loss is deteriorating with advanced age. As a typical ADDer and dare I say crotchety oldie he sometimes says "YES" to everything just to keep me quiet. - We use fun and banter to keep each other on track.
- A couple of years ago, I created a Whatsapp group, for our Home which I called Bewildered No More. Complaints about Maintenance and Management (we do love to moan) are forbidden. For obvious reasons we also don’t allow Politics and Religion.
- Dave posts weather forecasts, loadshedding (thank goodness not for a while) water outages and interesting snippets he finds on the internet.
It is a group for Caring and Sharing and looking after one another. It keeps us connected and hopefully stimulates those old grey cells. - We might not all have ADHD, but hopefully most of us will age disgracefully and live our lives happily as best we can.
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- Written by: Pat Pughe-Parry
Losing your independence as you age is hard.
You may have been a successful business person, fought in a war or brought up children under incredibly difficult circumstances. You reach an arbitrary compulsory retirement age of 60 or 65 and you are suddenly looking at the 4 walls in your home, lost and bereft.
If you live in South Africa where our public transport is poor, you probably obtained your drivers licence at 18, purchased a car as soon as you could afford it, and for 40+ years you drove yourself to the shops, to church, the doctor or visited friends.
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- Written by: Pat Pughe-Parry
Dave and I have lived in a home for Senior Citizens for the past 5 years where there are approximately 90 residents between the ages of 55 and 93.
I have just turned 69 and I am finding it difficult to comprehend why it is freaking me out. I don’t feel old. Okay, I could be healthier, fitter and thinner. I like the wrong foods and being summer, it is too hot to exercise. Yes, I have a busy brain and a lazy body.
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- Written by: Pat Pughe-Parry
Welcome to my series on practical ways to help the elderly. You can read the introduction here. It will open in a new tab/window.
This is the 8th article in the series of practical ways to help the elderly.
In this post I am talking about the elderly who battle financially, not those who can afford to live in fancy retirement estates or live in comfort with their family.
The cost of living has risen and pensions have not increased. Many elderly have previously supported their children at the expense of their own financial needs. Covid played havoc with job losses. Children of elderly parents battled to support their own families and had to invest in the necessary technology to allow working from home and home schooling their children.
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- Written by: Pat Pughe-Parry
Read more: Help the elderly eat better and live with dignity
Welcome to my series on practical ways to help the elderly. You can read the introduction here. This is the 7th article in the series of ways to help the elderly live better.
In this post, I am focusing on cellphones.
We live in a Home for Senior Citizens with residents between the ages of 55 to 95. Technology is probably the most frustrating, overwhelming and scary aspect of getting old.
Loneliness and not being able to keep in touch with our loved ones in an emergency, or just to chat is unbearable.
Up until recently one of our residents, who passed away at the age of 86, used to visit Dave and I daily to ask for help with her phone. It was a 20 year old Nokia phone and she used it primarily to phone her bank to do banking transactions. The operating system no longer updated and she couldn't make calls or send an sms.
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- Written by: Pat Pughe-Parry
Welcome to my series on practical ways to help the elderly. You can read the introduction here. This is the 6th article in the series of ways to help the elderly live better.
Whether your loved on lives on their own, with family, or in a Senior Citizens Home, you need to make sure their environment is as safe as possible.
In this post I am going to talk about fires.
Load shedding has forced many elderly residents who live by themselves or in facilities where they are responsible for their own care, to become more vulnerable.
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- Written by: Pat Pughe-Parry
